I started to title this God won't put any more on me than I can bear because that I the subject matter for what I plan on writing about. I will warn you, this will be a lengthy blog but it will really help to see who I am. Due to needing this in chronological order I messed with the dates but I will always list what happened when and most of these posts will be written March 2011. When I get all the stuff out that happened in the past, I will switch to the present and I will let the readers know when that happens.
So what is the purpose of this blog? Well, there are several. One that is probably the reason I started this is I have no one I can tell my story, the whole story, without embarrassing myself, hurting my family and when it comes down to it, I don't have one person in my life except maybe my therapist, that I would even want to share it with. It is too personal but on the other hand, I am tired of all this stuff collecting and spinning around in my head. So I want you the reader to read this. All of it. Comment, criticize, whatever, but do read it, and you will see me and know me better than anyone I know personally. I desperately want to be known and understood. I want to make connections with fellow human beings. My life these days is desperately lonely at times and just to know someone read my story and gives a crap means everything to me. I also want somehow share my story so that others may be blessed and God may be glorified. If I help one person somehow through my experiences, then I feel like my life has been worthwhile.
This isn't an honest to goodness autobiography. Don't get me wrong. Everything in this story is true, although names have been changed just to give it some anonymity. But I will not really talk much about my childhood. It was happy and uneventful enough. And, other than some teasing about my weight, and never having gone out on a date, I survived K-12 with my happy go lucky, optomistic idealistic spirit in tact. I will touch on college, but the bulk is from age 29 to the present. Because that is the time when my world was flipped upside down and yet I survived. Or at least I am surviving. The ending has not been written for any of us, yet.
And lastly, briefly, I cannot go further without stating, Jesus is my savior. We all are sinners by birthright and by choice. That sin debt had to be paid, or we would all burn in Hell for eternity. But God sent his son Jesus, who was also God, I guess the way cats are cats and dogs are dogs, the trinity's species is God. That is the best way I know how to describe it, anyway Jesus died for our sins and paid the debt none of us could pay ourselves. You can't be good enough for heaven. Even the whitest sheep is dingy compared to the purest white. That is how our goodness stacks up against the almighty God. We are like dirty laundry, but Jesus wants to change our lives and if we will only repent of this sin nature, that just means to acknowledge it and be sorry, recognize and accept Jesus' awesome gift. We will be born again and live for eternity in heaven. And I am not talking about a place where we float on clouds with harps. That is boring. We are going to be perfect, Blissfully happy, never hurt, physically or emotionally, always have a reason for being, a reason to exist, a reason for rejoicing. We will know love, love like we never experienced on earth. We will never want for anything. Never need anything we can't have. And we will have the one person who we can depend on face to face. I don't know about you, but I can't wait to go there! I hope to meet you there.
Miss Tunstall
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